Hello, world!

As a programmer coming probably a little late to the world of blogging and social media, this seemed like a fitting beginning: Hello, World!

My name is Katrina Sinclair, but you can call me Kate. This blog is about– well– me, my life, my family, and my experiences. My hope is that someone will get some useful tidbit out of all of this that helps them along their own journey or maybe even helps them relate to someone else, but my goal isn’t necessarily to try to persuade the masses into my way of thinking. If I do manage to challenge any of your own closely held beliefs along the way, tell me! My intention will never be to offend, but I certainly don’t mind discussing our differences or how we came to different conclusions.

I am a trans woman that only recently began accepting myself for who I am and transitioning. It has been a long journey of denial and self doubt that led me to where I am today, but I believe I’m ultimately better for it. I understand more about myself, and I’m more confident about who I am for having spent so much time thinking about it and challenging my own closely held beliefs.

I hope that, by now, the concept of being transgender isn’t new to anyone, but in case it is, this quote from Wikipedia should help catch you up to speed:

A trans woman (sometimes trans-woman or transwoman) is a male-to-female (MTF) transgender person who was assigned male at birth but has a female gender identity. The label of transgender woman is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual woman, although the two labels are often used in this way. Transgender is an umbrella term that includes different types of gender variant people (including transsexual people).

So, that means I was born a dude, but inside, I’ve always identified as female, (trust me, I’ve never been excited by that news, either). It’s also worth mentioning, however, that, at least in my mind, there’s a difference between identifying as female, feeling feminine, and being effeminate. The differences are probably subtle for someone who hasn’t spent as much time thinking about them, but let me break them down really quickly…

  • Being Effeminate. The dictionary describes this as “(of a man) having or showing characteristics regarded as typical of a woman; unmanly.”
  • Feeling Feminine. Back to the dictionary: “having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness.”
  • Identifying as Female. There’s no quick explanation for this, but lets try Wikipedia’s article on Gender Identity: “Gender identity is a person’s private sense, and subjective experience, of their own gender. This is generally described as one’s private sense of being a man or a woman, consisting primarily of the acceptance of membership into a category of people: male or female.”

In my mind, identifying as female does not necessarily imply any level of femininity. Nor does it mean that a trans woman has to be effeminate before she transitions. A woman can be a woman regardless of how feminine she chooses to feel at any given moment, and the same is true of trans women. We feel a distinct separation between our bodies and our feelings, and that leads to a lot of internal conflict. Sometimes, it comes out as being effeminate. Sometimes, it’s completely the opposite.

For years, I never wanted to be associated with “being trans.” I wanted to feel like I passed completely as a biological woman with none of the stigma that came with being associated with the LGBT community. I’ve since realized, however, that that’s disingenuous to myself and to the rest of the world. I am part of the LGBT community by birth, and that’s not something to be ashamed of. So, here I am, telling my story, and living life on my terms– happy, healthy, and full of love.

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